Groovymarlin.com

So WordPress is nagging me that there’s a new version available, and two of my plugins need updating, and am I getting right on it and taking care of that? No!! I mean I’ll do it…eventually. Like posting. I do it…eventually.

It’s not that I purposely make a post and then wait nearly a whole freaking month to make another one. It just happens, you know? Just like that periodontist my dentist referred me to back in oh…November? December? I dunno. I’ll make an appointment eventually.

In the meantime there is lots of stuff happening. Like: I’m starting a new job this month! And, therefore, leaving my old one! YAY! And I’m planning the Bean’s birthday party! And I’m dealing with passive-aggressive persons who seem hell-bent on bringing me down! And I have approximately five million errands and odd jobs to do during the week between jobs that I have PROMISED myself to take this time.

(I’ve never had time off between jobs before. I wanted to try it at least once.)

So, longer post later. This is just to assure the three of you out there that I haven’t forgotten this blog, or you. Let me direct you to this old post of mine about how to clean your sterling silver jewelry. It worked back then (2009) and I just used it again this weekend – guess what? It still works! YAY!

(Thanks Vauxhall Vixens for showing me this image. Perfect.)

…to how dumb people are. In general, of course, but specifically, people who are trying to sell their homes. Or at least that’s the impression you get if you watch some of these HGTV shows like “Get It Sold.”

Dumb. People. Everywhere.

I mean, just for an example, I saw an episode the other day about a woman with a fairly standard townhome that had been on the market for 90 days with no offers and very little interest. She could not understand why! (Der! Duh!) Not surprisingly, she was way overpriced – she was asking more for her rundown center unit than a brand-new end unit was going for in the same subdivision. For that I blame her agent – a good agent should always keep up to date on your comparables, and help you set a competitive price. But why her agent never said anything to her about the HORRIBLE shape her house was in, I have no idea.

The front yard was full of weeds (no curb appeal); the house itself was full of temporary furniture (like folding tables), half-packed boxes, weird decorating choices, and tons of clutter; and the deck (which should have been a big selling point) was dirty and cluttered with garbage.

Well gee…I wonder why nobody wanted to even make a low-ball offer on your busted-ass mess of a house!

Sadly, this woman was very typical, and I say this from experience – I’ve known people who tried to sell a house and made some of the very same idiotic mistakes. And goodness news my husband and I looked at plenty of hot messes when we were looking to move up from our own townhome to the single family where we live now. Lucky for the woman on the show, a professional intervened and helped her not only set a reasonable price, but fix some of the crazy decor and messy non-staging that was going on.

Here’s a handy guide to what stupid people say about their messy houses, and what it really means:

“The house has character.” Translation: my house is full of broken shit, and I don’t want to spend the time/effort/money to fix it because I’m hoping you’ll buy my problems when you buy my house.

“I don’t want it to seem cold.” Translation: I don’t understand that seeing lots of personal photos and chotchkes turns people off. I’m too lazy or stupid to clear away my personal clutter and stage the house to look attractive to strangers. (Seriously – people don’t seem to get this at all. For better or worse, buyers have become conditioned by looking at lots of model homes to houses that are well-decorated but NOT covered in personal photos and artwork. Appeal to them!)

“I think buyers want to see a house that looks lived-in.” Translation: I’m too lazy to clean this place up. Guess what, Einstein? People do not look at YOUR clutter and imagine themselves living amongst it. They want to look at a house that is clean, tasteful, and uncluttered – because THEN they can imagine themselves moving in.

I’m just glad that a.) I’m not in the market to buy a house and b.) I’m not trying to sell my own house! I’d probably go insane!

I’ll bet you have at least one of these in your house, maybe even a few of them. They come in lots of different colors – natural, blue, pink; lots of different materials – canvas, nylon, mesh, vinyl; and several different sizes – 16 pockets, 20 pockets, there’s even a smaller version with little pockets that’s meant to be hung over a shower door. They’re all, with the exception of that last example, shoe organizers. Or at least that’s how they’re labeled! The fact is, you can use these shoe organizers for LOTS of other storage and organization tasks, anywhere you have a door with free real estate on one side. In fact, I don’t really like them for holding shoes (I prefer solid cubbies), but they work great for lots of other storage purposes:

- In the hall closet, it can hold mittens, gloves, hats, and rolled-up scarves. All those small, loose items that seem to get jumbled up on the one pathetic shelf that sits above the rod. Imagine never having to search for your gloves again! This is probably my favorite use for over-the-door shoe organizers.

- On the back of your home office door, it can hold office supplies, items that you sometimes need in your purse but don’t carry all the time (for me, these are things like tape measures and small flashlights), extra keys, and even cleaning supplies like paper towels or a microfiber duster.

- In the linen closet, you can use it to store small linens such as wash cloths or hand towels; or all those extra soap dishes/toothbrush holders/lotion dispensers that you’re not using, but are unsure where to stash. I bet you can free up a lot of under-the-sink space this way!

- On the back of your water closet or bathroom door, the pockets are unfortunately too small to store toilet paper. However, you can stash just about everything else you might need in the bathroom: soap, feminine hygeine products, extra bottles of shampoo and body wash. This is also another place where you might store your extra soap dishes or other vanity accessories that aren’t currently in use.

- In a kid’s room or baby’s room, use them to store toys, socks, diapers, wipes, etc. Hint: put items you want the little angel to be able to get herself, like her socks and toys, in the bottom few rows. Save the top rows for stuff that you want to keep out of a small child’s reach – such as diaper ointment or other potential messes and hazards.

I’ll try to update this post with some photos of my own over-door organizers in action this weekend.