In any case – Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy New Year to the two or three of you who actually read this. The Dude abides!

How the hell did that happen? WHY did that happen? We’re not sure, but the doctors I’ve spoken with all suspect two things:

1. They think I have a genetic clotting disorder which will require some additional testing in the future to determine

2. I was on the birth control pill, which causes more women than I imagined to get blood clots

So I’m off the Pill for good, and taking blood thinners for the next six months, while I recover.

Being in the hospital was awful — boring, uncomfortable, impossible to get a good night’s sleep, and I missed the Bean like crazy. On the plus side, the hospital didn’t care if you used your cell phone and they had free wi-fi everywhere. So, armed with my iPhone and my iPad, I was pretty well able to amuse and entertain myself.

Happy to be home, though.

Follow-up on previous matters: congratulations to Lori, the only person to leave a comment on my Shutterfly giveaway post. She won the codes for free photo cards. I already got my cards back from Shutterfly and they look GREAT. I’m really happy I decided to do it this year – the hassle of working with a petulant model (see below) was totally worth it.

OK, so I’m browsing my news feed on Facebook and this little “gem” (ha ha! pun intended!) pops up:

And even though I *love* Thierry Mugler (fashion – who could forget that motorcycle dress? and fragrance – I still wear Angel occasionally), I’m sitting on my hands and stifling some very obnoxious giggling. Because I so want to hit the “Comment” link and type:

Kidney stones?

See? I told you it was stupid.

Now my daughter has a similar toy that looks like this:

Today on the Woot-Off (www.woot.com), they were just selling this (click for bigger image):

Uh…what? Is this a novelty item? Are you supposed to actually punch him, or just pretend to play basketball around him? I’m honestly confused by this item. I like his ‘fro though.

Click for full size

1. That guy on the left is naked, yo. Not wearing a Speedo or very low-slung trunks, NAKED. (He also looks a LOT like Heath Ledger.)

2. What is it about the girl in the center that says “surf?” Is it the COMPLETE LACK OF EYEBROWS? Because that look has never just screamed “easy beach living” to me.

3. Furthermore, the dark vampy lips? Also not a terribly beachy look.

4. And could they have found her a more unflattering, ill-fitting, fugly swimsuit?

5. Mr. Hipster on the right is not only wearing a Speedo, but he’s wearing some kind of leather thong-type headband. Around his head. Like a boho doofus.

So maybe there’s some kind of irony at play here, like “Let’s promote a surf-inspired collection with a makeup look that looks nothing like surf-inspired, and let’s throw in a naked hipster.” I guess I’m old, because I’m not getting it, I just feel creeped out.

Unfortunately, the page breaks don’t translate in the RSS feed. So if you read my blog in a feed reader, you think I only bought my Dad a digital coin bank. And you probably thought to yourself, “Damn. She’s cheap!”

So, in summary, if you are reading in a reader, please go back to the post about Christmas presents and click through to the actual site to read all five (FIVE!) pages of the post.

And if you don’t care about any of this, carry on and enjoy this video instead:

Here,  click this link and press the big red button. (Make sure your sound is turned on.) It will make you feel better. CLICK HERE.

The reason I haven’t posted much, even though I do have some time on my hands (read: between projects at work and running out of silly jobs like cleaning the cubicle), is I’m afraid of what I might say. That is, I’ve found myself frequently annoyed and pissed off and just generally RAGING MAD about all the stupidity that I see around me (on both a micro and a macro level) and I don’t want to fall into the trap of doing any of the following:

- Start talking politics and end up having to delete hateful comments*
- Say too much about first-hand observations of stupidity in the workplace and maybe get myself fired
- Run my mouth about shit in a place where some future employer might see it and get offended

Anyway, you get the idea.

(*Yes, I delete comments that I find hateful. Luckily, it only happens about once a year or so. Oh, you thought you had First Amendment rights here on somebody’s private blog? Oh, oh wait a minute…HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! OK, I’m better now. So no, there’s no free speech on a blog. There’s the blog owner’s speech and the speech of commenters that the blog owner allows at her sole discretion and whim. The end.)

Did that seem bitchy? SEE WHAT I MEAN? I start typing and things just go downhill! I blame the weather, perimenopause, and a sugar addiction that I’m really trying (and failing) to kick.

But let’s talk about something cheerful, like my amazing kid. The other day I was eating a Milk Dud (hello, Halloween candy and sugar addiction!) and a crown that I have on one of my lower left molars popped out. Yikes! Well, it wasn’t such a big deal – the dentist was able to get me in the same day to glue it back in, and luckily it wasn’t damaged at all (or – gulp! – swallowed). Veronica was fascinated by it. She asked me quite seriously, “Mommy, will the Tooth Fairy come for you now?” Awww, so sweet. I had to explain that no, no visit from the Tooth Fairy was imminent and in fact I was going to the dentist’s office to have the “toof” glued back into place.

Veronica hasn’t lost any baby teeth yet (she’s only four and a half) but she grows more fascinated with the concept every day. I remember when I first told her that her baby teeth would fall out some day and grown-up teeth would come in. She was kind of upset! She was scared about her teeth falling out, but felt better after I explained that it doesn’t hurt and they don’t all fall out at the same time. Plus, there’s the Tooth Fairy situation, which certainly helps.

Anyway, here’s some completely unrelated entertainment for you. Eat your hossenfeffer!