Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m going to start in earnest now. Maybe tomorrow. In the mean time, I leave you with this. Kisses!

That made me laugh really hard, because I was raised Catholic, and it seriously warped me. OK, that’s not the REAL reason. I mean, yes, I was raised Catholic, and it did warp me just a little bit. But the reason I laughed was because this was the kind of question I used to drive the teachers crazy with in CCD.¹

In fact, I remember once asking specifically what would happen if a person took Communion, and then vomited. Our entire class was both horrified and fascinated by the teacher’s colorful description of how a priest would have to (SKIP THE REST OF THIS PARAGRAPH IF YOU HAVE A WEAK GAG REFLEX OR ARE VERY SQUEAMISH) pick through the vomit, find what was left of the communion wafer, and then have it buried in consecrated ground.

OMG, y’all. That is some seriously spooky stuff right there.²

¹CCD, for those who don’t know, is religious education that all Catholic children who don’t attend Catholic schools are supposed to get every week until they graduate from high school. Ours was every Tuesday night, and afterward we had pizza for dinner and would watch “Happy Days” and “Laverne and Shirley.” The classes were boring, usually. Except for that night when I asked about the throwing up thing.

²No idea if it’s true, actually. Wikipedia was not helpful on this subject. I always thought it sounded a little bit too dramatic to be real.

It was a squash. And that is why, to this day, watching RHPS makes me think of squash.

Anyway, I’m reading through this article and they mention the coconut crab. “Coconut crab? What the heck is that?” I think to myself. And, ever the proactive Googler, I look up “coconut crab.”

EEK!

If you really, really want to terrify yourself, click on this link and look at pictures of the ugliest animal I’ve seen in quite a while. If, like me, you are terrified of spiders and creepy crawlies (even though I find crab legs delicious), you may just want to skip the pictures.

Damn! I mean, DAMN! That is a scary looking crab. I’m still shuddering.

I’ve noticed a pattern.

Almost all the spam is about Viagra. Seriously! OK, a few for World of Warcraft gold sellers, fake Rolex watches, and diet supplements, but mostly Viagra or “herbal” Viagra or some other product that supposedly does the same thing as Viagra (give dudes boners). If I made a pie chart of what the distribution of my spam folder is, it would look something like this:

Why?

I haven’t eaten at Five Guys in a really long time. If you read the nutritional info, it’s easy to see why: the burger I consumed was over 600 calories and comes out to some ridiculous amount of Weight Watchers points like 19 or something. So it was a treat – I had just signed some papers at the credit union next door, and decided to celebrate with a burger from Five Guys.

What really freaked me out about Five Guys was just how many gigantically obese people were in there. Yes, there were some average-sized folks, and even some slightly-overweight people like myself, but there were a LOT of really, really obese people. More than you see just hanging around the mall, or Target, or even in other restaurants. It’s like Five Guys is a magnet for really big people.

Now I know you’re thinkin’, “Wow, Groovymarlin. Judgmental much?” And to be honest, I thought that to myself, even as I was waiting for my order and noticing the high proportion of plus-sized patrons. What right do I have to judge, after all? None! And for all I know, every single one of the fat people in there was only treating himself or herself, just like I was. The next day, they all went back to counting calories and eating a balanced diet and drinking lots of water and making sure to get five servings of veggies a day.

Right.

I don’t know what my point is, maybe I don’t really have one. I just wanted to describe how that experience made me feel. And what it made me feel was as if I had made some kind of discovery. To be honest, it helped strengthen my resolve to keep following Weight Watchers, keep working out, and keep trying to get healthier.

*sigh*

It was stupid how it happened. I was walking down the three stairs between our bathroom/closet area and the bedroom. Still in my pj’s, getting ready to take a shower. Slipped, lost my balance, went airborne. I landed hard on my ass, and would have been sore but OK. But instead, my left arm was flung backwards and struck the edge of the stair at my wrist. I heard the crack and knew it was broken right away.

“Oh shit, some birthday this is gonna be,” I thought.

In agony, I called my insurance company to get approval for a trip to the ER. I was denied. Instead, my hubz had to drive me to our local doctor’s office, where they could only look at it and say, “Yep, that’s broken.” THEN we had to drive 40 miles to a different center where I could get x-rays and see the orthopedist on call. We spent the whole damn day driving and waiting: in traffic, in lobbies, in lines.

I ended up with a purple cast from my palm to above my elbow, and a much-needed scrip for vicoden. One of the bones in my forearm is shattered at the wrist, but if kept very stable, will heal without surgery – hence the giant cast. In three weeks I can hopefully get it removed and replaced with a smaller, forearm-only model. Unfortunately, I’m having to learn how to eat, dress, do my hair/makeup, etc. with one hand, and the wrong hand at that. Writing is out of the question, typing is agonizingly slow, and driving is possible but terrifying.

Let’s not even talk about showering with a garbage bag taped over my arm! Luckily, I found and ordered this, and some of this stuff too. Hilariously, based on those purchases, Amazon decided to show me some other items they think I’d be interested in, including this (slightly NSFW). Um, thanks but no thanks, Amazon.

Where are my drugs?