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Here’s some stuff about me that you probably didn’t know…

- I once saw David Copperfield live. It was corny but entertaining.

- I am obsessed with 30s-40s-50s swing music. This is probably a big reason why I have played so many hours of Fallout 3 – I can’t stop listening to Three-Dog on Galaxy News Radio.

- I am also obsessed with Cleveland-style polka music, which I grew up dancing to at every prom and wedding, and watching on “Polka Varieties” on Sunday mornings. I am a FABULOUS polka-er.

- I used to be addicted to perms. Even though now I am a confirmed pixie cut addict (aka the lesbian soccer mom look), I still sometimes think longingly of having a perfect spiral perm a la Jennifer Grey in “Dirty Dancing.”

- Speaking of the lesbian soccer mom look, I love Jamie Lee Curtis and I feel embarrassed for her whenever one of those Activia commercials comes on. I don’t know why; I suppose she’s just paying the bills. And also, I don’t know if it really helps your digestive system, but I tried the yogurt and didn’t like it – too runny.

- I’m starting to think that “Howards End” is my favorite movie, ever. Maybe I should buy the new Criterion Collection DVD, so I can watch it whenever I want.

- My favorite movie, by far, used to be “Army of Darkness,” and I used to watch it EVERY NIGHT, on VHS. Yes, I had a thing for Bruce Campbell, what can I say?

(Please note, the following trailer for Howards End gives away pretty much the whole movie.)

…to how dumb people are. In general, of course, but specifically, people who are trying to sell their homes. Or at least that’s the impression you get if you watch some of these HGTV shows like “Get It Sold.”

Dumb. People. Everywhere.

I mean, just for an example, I saw an episode the other day about a woman with a fairly standard townhome that had been on the market for 90 days with no offers and very little interest. She could not understand why! (Der! Duh!) Not surprisingly, she was way overpriced – she was asking more for her rundown center unit than a brand-new end unit was going for in the same subdivision. For that I blame her agent – a good agent should always keep up to date on your comparables, and help you set a competitive price. But why her agent never said anything to her about the HORRIBLE shape her house was in, I have no idea.

The front yard was full of weeds (no curb appeal); the house itself was full of temporary furniture (like folding tables), half-packed boxes, weird decorating choices, and tons of clutter; and the deck (which should have been a big selling point) was dirty and cluttered with garbage.

Well gee…I wonder why nobody wanted to even make a low-ball offer on your busted-ass mess of a house!

Sadly, this woman was very typical, and I say this from experience – I’ve known people who tried to sell a house and made some of the very same idiotic mistakes. And goodness news my husband and I looked at plenty of hot messes when we were looking to move up from our own townhome to the single family where we live now. Lucky for the woman on the show, a professional intervened and helped her not only set a reasonable price, but fix some of the crazy decor and messy non-staging that was going on.

Here’s a handy guide to what stupid people say about their messy houses, and what it really means:

“The house has character.” Translation: my house is full of broken shit, and I don’t want to spend the time/effort/money to fix it because I’m hoping you’ll buy my problems when you buy my house.

“I don’t want it to seem cold.” Translation: I don’t understand that seeing lots of personal photos and chotchkes turns people off. I’m too lazy or stupid to clear away my personal clutter and stage the house to look attractive to strangers. (Seriously – people don’t seem to get this at all. For better or worse, buyers have become conditioned by looking at lots of model homes to houses that are well-decorated but NOT covered in personal photos and artwork. Appeal to them!)

“I think buyers want to see a house that looks lived-in.” Translation: I’m too lazy to clean this place up. Guess what, Einstein? People do not look at YOUR clutter and imagine themselves living amongst it. They want to look at a house that is clean, tasteful, and uncluttered – because THEN they can imagine themselves moving in.

I’m just glad that a.) I’m not in the market to buy a house and b.) I’m not trying to sell my own house! I’d probably go insane!

So besides being somewhat bored at work, playing the most excellent Left 4 Dead 2 in the evenings, and being generally appalled at some of the shit in the news these days*, I’ve been reading – A LOT.

*OK seriously, I don’t want to talk about it, but I just have to say that these hypocritical assholes who are using this Park 51 community center (aka the not-actually-at-Ground-Zero, not-actually-a-mosque, “Ground Zero Mosque”) as the new wedge issue to drive the rednecks crazy need to stop it. Are these yahoos out of their fucking minds? Don’t we have enough hate in this country? Hasn’t the Bill of Rights been trampled on enough over the last decade? Sheesh.

So, um, where was I? Oh yeah, reading. Yeah I’ve been reading a lot, and I think it’s all because of my Kindle. Having that thing makes is so ridiculously easy to take books with me wherever. And I’ve also learned to love the Kindle apps for iPhone, PC, and Mac. With them, I’m able to keep my library completely synced and read whatever I want, pretty much wherever I want. BIG WIN, Amazon. You rock.

Here’s all the fantastic things I’ve read this summer on my Kindle:

The Abstinence Teacher by Tom Perrotta: interesting read, although I did not like the [spoiler] abrupt ending. Great character development though.

Anathem by Neal Stephenson: whoa, this took FOREVER to get going, but once it did I couldn’t put it down. Read lots of it on a road trip to West Virginia, making the trip that much more surreal. I’ve got some more Stephenson lurking in my library, and I’ll be starting on it this fall for sure.

Blockade Billy by Stephen King: you’d probably get more out of this than I did if you’re a baseball fan. I don’t mind baseball, but I’m not obsessed with it. That said, I still enjoyed this yarn. Typical King – there’s a twist that you can sort of see coming for pages and pages before it happens, but when it does you still kind of go “OMGWTF!!”

Dead and Gone and Dead in the Family by Charlaine Harris: oh these horrible, trashy, poorly written, incredibly entertaining Sookie Stackhouse novels. I wish I could quit  you!

The Descent by Jeff Long: this was a re-read. I read it first several years ago, loved it then, loved it this time too. That movie “The Descent” is loosely based on the basic concept of this book, but if you ask me, the book is so much better. Especially enjoyable if, like me, you’re fascinated by hidden places and cities buried deep underground, the kind of stuff just strewn all over H.P. Lovecraft.

Fly Away Home: A Novel by Jennifer Weiner: Jen has been in the news a bit recently because she, along with Jodi Picoult, had the nerve to suggest that maybe the New York Times’ fawning coverage of heavy tomes by white male literary darlings wasn’t serving their dwindling readership all that well. I love Jen’s books. This wasn’t my favorite, but it was still pretty darn good.

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo/The Girl Who Played With Fire/The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest by Stieg Larsson: who hasn’t read at least the first of these by now? I was late to the party but I really enjoyed them a lot. After reading the first book, I watched the Swedish  movie on Netflix streaming. It was great! Why does Hollywood need to remake this? Anyway, all three of these books were real page-turners – even the long section on shopping at Ikea (really!).

The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman: I guess technically this is supposed to be young adult fiction? Doesn’t matter, I loved it. I had it sitting in my Kindle for months before I finally got around to cracking it open and I have to say I wish I’d read it sooner.

The Time Machine by H.G. Wells: one of the many books that are now public domain and available in e-format for free. I’d never read this classic, though of course I had seen both the 1960 and 2002 film versions. Guess what? It was much better than either film. That Wells, he knew what he was doing.

And that’s just in the last few months! I’ve recently started reading another classic (free) e-book, Dracula by Bram Stoker. I have read it before, but it’s been years. I’m enjoying reading it again. I also have King’s The Stand queued up for a re-read; I re-read it every few years or so but this will be the first time I’ve read it in digital format. The version I bought for my Kindle supposedly includes those wonderful illustrations that appear in the unabridged hardback, and I’m really looking forward to reading it again.

I read some dismissive comment about e-books last week (was it Roger Ebert? I don’t want to believe that, but it might have been) making reference to the fact that you can’t see what people are reading when they’re reading on their Kindles, which deprives you of the opportunity of knowing other people’s business, I suppose, and then deciding based on their reading taste if you maybe want to harass them on the Metro or something. WHATEVER, OLDS! Personally, I love the fact that nobody can see what I’m reading. If I want people to know what I’m reading, I’ll write a blog post about it (like this), or Tweet about it, or post on Facebook about it. I don’t feel the need to make an ostentatious display to people on public transportation that I’m reading War and Peace, or try to hide the fact that I’m re-reading that last Harry Potter book AGAIN.

Also, a Kindle is so versatile and just works for my lifestyle so well. In combination with the Kindle app on the platforms I mentioned above, it’s perfect for me. Also – saving me money, because if I didn’t have one I probably would have bought an iPad.

Thanks again, Amazon!